Taming the Tongue
The Immense Power of a Small Member
Matthew Vander Els of Founded In Truth Fellowship begins his teaching by highlighting the often-underestimated power of the tongue, a seemingly small and insignificant part of our bodies. He points out that this "hole in your face" with its "big flap with a little flapper" can be the source of immense destruction, capable of ruining not only one's own life but also the lives of everyone we encounter. This potential for harm arises from the incorrect use of our speech, emphasizing the critical need for intentionality and control in our communication.
Drawing from Jewish tradition, Vander Els introduces the concept of Lashon Hara, which translates to "the evil tongue" or "evil speech," encompassing actions such as gossip and slander. He notes that while scripture frequently addresses the subject of our speech, it is often overlooked in favor of other theological discussions. To address this, the teaching focuses on the practical application of biblical principles regarding the use of our words, turning to James chapter 3 for foundational insights.
The Treacherous Road of Speech
James 3:2 states, "For we all stumble in many ways." This verse immediately establishes the common struggle humanity faces in controlling their speech. Matthew Vander Els emphasizes that the road of speech and communication is fraught with "potholes" where we can easily "trip and fall." He highlights that if anyone can master their speech, they would be considered a perfect individual, capable of bridling their entire body, much like a bit controls a horse. This illustrates the profound impact our words have on our whole being and our ability to influence our actions.
The teaching identifies several key "potholes" in our speech that can lead to significant damage:
- Slander: Spreading false and damaging information about someone.
- Lying: Intentionally misrepresenting the truth.
- Gossip: Talking about the private affairs of others.
- Bragging or Gloating: Exalting oneself and one's accomplishments.
- Complaining: Expressing dissatisfaction repeatedly without seeking solutions.
- Disparaging Remarks: Making critical and belittling comments about others.
- Discouraging Others: Speaking words that undermine someone's spirit or efforts.
- Profane Language: While not solely referring to "cuss words" in the common understanding, it encompasses speech that doesn't align with being an example of "salt and light" in society. It signifies putting down others rather than uplifting.
- Not Following Our Word: Failing to keep promises and commitments.
- Fits of Rage: Outbursts of anger expressed through uncontrolled speech.
The Destructive Power Illustrated
To further illustrate the power of the tongue, James 3:3-5 draws analogies to a horse's bit and a ship's rudder, emphasizing how a small instrument can control a much larger entity. Similarly, the tongue, though a small member, "boasts of great things" and can ignite a "great forest" with its words, much like a small fire can lead to widespread destruction. The tongue is described as a fire, a "world of unrighteousness," capable of staining the whole body and setting the entire course of life ablaze, fueled by hell itself.
Vander Els uses the imagery of a lighter, not just any lighter, but one "formed in the depths of hell," to represent the tongue. Each flick of this lighter releases destructive fire. He also compares the church, the "bride of Messiah," to a woman in a beautiful white dress, which can be stained by the "vomit of the intentions of her heart" expressed through uncontrolled speech. This highlights how our words can defile our witness and our standing before God.
Blessing and Cursing with the Same Tongue
James 3:9-10 points out the contradictory nature of using the same tongue to "bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God." Matthew Vander Els clarifies that in this context, "bless" (Greek: eulogeo) means to praise or uplift, while "curse" (Greek: kataraomai) means to cause harm and put down. He argues that it is incongruous to uplift God with our words and then use the same instrument to tear down our fellow brothers and sisters. Such behavior "ought not to be so."
Guarding Our Mouths and Hearts
Recognizing the challenge of taming the tongue, the teaching emphasizes the importance of guarding our mouths. Psalms 141:3 is presented as a vital prayer: "Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips." This daily plea for divine assistance highlights our dependence on God's help in controlling our speech.
The "THINK" Acronym: A Practical Filter
To aid in making conscious choices about our speech, the "THINK" acronym is introduced as a valuable tool:
- T: Is it True? While truth is important, it alone does not justify saying something.
- H: Is it Helpful? Will your words benefit the other person?
- I: Is it Inspiring? Will your words uplift and encourage?
- N: Is it Necessary? Is there a genuine need to say what you're thinking?
- K: Is it Kind? Are your words delivered with compassion and consideration?
Speaking Life and Encouragement
In contrast to destructive speech, the teaching emphasizes the power of words to bring life and encouragement. Colossians 3:8 urges believers to "put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth." Our words have the power to plant thoughts and images in other people's minds, highlighting the responsibility we have in the content we share.
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Application for Everyday Life
- Practice self-awareness: Recognize the power of your words and the potential for both good and harm in your speech.
- Pause and THINK before speaking: Use the "THINK" acronym as a filter to evaluate the truthfulness, helpfulness, inspiration, necessity, and kindness of your intended words.
- Guard your mouth: Make a conscious effort to control what you say, praying for God's help in doing so (Psalms 141:3).
- Avoid gossip and slander: Refuse to participate in conversations that involve speaking negatively about others behind their backs.
- Address offenses directly: If someone offends you, follow the biblical model in Matthew 18:15 by speaking to them privately first, with the goal of reconciliation.
- Choose encouraging words: Intentionally speak words that uplift, support, and build others up (Proverbs 12:25).
- Speak truth with gentleness and respect: Even when addressing difficult topics or sharing truth, do so in a way that is considerate and aims to help the other person receive the message (Proverbs 15:1).
Read the transcript (1,388 words)
Automated transcript, lightly edited for readability. Scripture appears as spoken; the video is the authoritative teaching.
Now how many of you guys know that this hole in your face has the power to completely destroy lives, right? Such a small thing within this hole that flaps when you get excited, when you get sad, when you get angry, it flaps a lot. Open, close, open, close. There's this little thing inside and it's this little red thing and it flaps too. So you have this big flapper with a little flapper and the whole thing's just that big. And it can cause so much damage, not only to your life, but to every single person that you come into contact with. If you use it incorrectly, you can literally destroy other people. You guys know this, right?
The Evil Tongue
In Judaism, they have this concept called *lashon hara*. It's the evil tongue, the evil speech, right? Whenever you gossip or you slander. And scripture talks a lot about this. And sometimes we ignore it. And I know that sometimes we do teachings on all kinds of historical context and history and what the Bible means when it says this and Paul and all this mess. But I wanted to do something a little bit more applicable this week. Is that okay? If you have your scriptures, please turn with me to James chapter three. I might have to use my phone for my Bible, so don't feel offended if you see me pull out my phone.
James chapter three, and we'll just sit there for a second. You see, the one thing that we have to realize... When we're speaking with our mouth and the words that we use and the intentions of the words that we use, we have to realize that it's so easy to trip and fall. And there's a lot of potholes that we can trip and fall on this road called speech and communication. And so James begins talking about this very subject in James 3:2: *For we all stumble in many ways.* We can just stop right there and we can just all together, amen, right? *We all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says with his mouth, in his speech, in what he speaks, he is a perfect man.
Able also to bridle his whole body.* Just to bridle it up. Oh, thank you. Put the bit in the mouth and steer the whole body. Are you perfect? Are you perfect? This is when we get to engage each other, right?
Controlling Your Speech
It's amazing because what James is insinuating is that if you could control your mouth—not your actions, not the things you do—just this little thing that flaps, if you can control this, you have the potential to be perfect and holy before God. If you could just shut up, right? Isn't that incredible?
Potholes in Our Speech
Some of the potholes that we've learned about and we probably know about on this road of communication that we're constantly traveling. Scripture talks about slander. That's a big pothole. You could really mess up if you start slandering. It's really easy to fall in that hole. *Hey, did you see what he said, she said, she did, he did? You know what? I hear that he doesn't have a good reputation or I hear he doesn't have a good character. Hey, I heard that he talks like this to his family when he's not at fellowship or whatever.* Lying, that's a big one. Sometimes we don't think about that when we speak about our speech.
Lying. Gossip, none of us have to worry about that one, right? Oh yeah, we're going to hit this head on here in a minute, guys. Bragging or gloating about your self-accomplishments, scripture talks about that. Don't do that. Complaining, that's a big one. Complaining, quit complaining about stuff. If you're upset about something that's going on, then that is when action needs to follow, not yapping. Get involved and help find a solution for something instead of bringing up a complaint over and over and over again. No one ever does this with me, right? Of course not. Disparaging remarks, being critical of others.
We have to be very careful. When we're looking at our brothers and sisters in the fellowship, sometimes we look at them and we compare ourselves to them, and when we compare ourselves to them, then in one way or another we start to look down or up to them, and then we start to criticize them, and then we start to inject our own opinions in them, how they should be conformed more like us, and how we see a standard should be filled, and we become critical of others. That's a pothole that you can destroy your life and others with. Discouraging. Discouraging others. Making remarks. Not necessarily bullying, but yeah, bullying.
See, we're supposed to be encouraging each other as a body, right? Thank you. We're supposed to be encouraging one another, okay? Not discouraging one another. If someone wants to have a Bible study or study a certain topic, you need to encourage them to grow deeper into the word. If someone wants to praise and worship a certain way, if someone wants to get up and dance or swing a flag around or do something, you need to encourage them in that. If someone feels like they have a problem in their life and they want to find support in the fellowship for that, you need to encourage them in that. You have the power to speak positivity into someone's life, and it is a huge, huge deal.
We'll finish this. Profane language. That's not what you think it is, by the way. We'll get to that. And not following our word. Fits of rage. Anyone ever hit a pothole in their speech before? Fits of rage is fun because those are those potholes that you didn't even see coming, right? Like you're driving and you're just yakking and you're becoming frustrated, right? But you're driving straight, no potholes in the road, right? You can't see anything. And then someone just says something to you that you just perceive as the stupidest thing that could possibly be said in a conversation that you're already irritated in.
And then all of a sudden this pothole comes out of nowhere and you hit it with your car and you just... Anyone ever hit a pothole? Fits of rage.
A Small Fire Sets a Forest Ablaze
Verse 3: *If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their entire bodies as well. Look at the ships also. They are huge and large, and they're driven by strong winds, yet they are guided by a small itty-bitty rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs.* Itty-bitty rudder right here. Small. *So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!* That's so true. Light a match and just drop it on the ground. A dry leaf might catch on fire, a little fire. But then there's other leaves, and there's other leaves, and then there's a tree, and then there's a forest, and then everything's burnt up and it's spreading, getting bigger and bigger and bigger. *And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness.
The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting afire the entire course of life and set on fire by hell.* So can we put this in perspective? So that word *hell* there, if you watched our afterlife series, we touched on a little bit of Sheol and Gehenna and how the topic of Gehenna kind of evolved from the Valley of Hinnom and a place that was specifically formulated and culturally evolved and thought as a place where the evil and unrighteous people went and burnt. The tongue is like a lighter. And so I want you to take a lighter and I want you to imagine just a flick of lighter, just a little lighter, no big deal, right? And then I want you to think of a lighter that was formed in the depths of hell.
And when you strike it, fire from hell pops out of it. That's your tongue. You were equipped with one of those.
